Huge Lesson Learned

I’ve been back from Vietnam for a little over a week now. I have never ever felt so jet lagged. It’s good for blogging, though. There are no other distractions at 2am.

So I suppose you’re just dying to know what I discovered on this God spoken and ordained trip across the world. You just can’t wait to hear what miraculous encounters I had and how greatly God moved and of the thousands who got saved and the orphans who were rescued. Am I right?

Well, you’re gonna love this. . .

I truly had a phenominal trip in so many ways that I do intend to share. But one of the number one things I learned on this journey – and I do mean this in the nicest way possible to all of you who are going to try to make me feel better about myself after you hear it.
Here’s one biggie I learned. . .I’m so stupid!!!!!

Yep, that’s one worth traveling to the other side of the world to learn, don’t ya think?

And here’s the other side of it…. You probably are, too. . .I’m just sayin.

God desires to give good gifts to his kids. We desperately want those gifts and wish we could believe he might give them. But as soon as the gift even hints of coming in a package that we don’t like the looks of or can’t understand, we all of a sudden get grumpy and pouty and assume we have been duped and that God doesn’t care. At least I do. And it’s hard for me to consider that the nonsensical words of God into my life could be absolutely essential to my life and are full of goodness that I should follow.

Here’s what I’m getting at…Last July I started hearing God tell me to go to Vietnam. It made no sense to me. I couldn’t wrap my head around those being true words or that being a worthwhile gift to grab hold of. So I chose to ignore. I pushed the gift of his words and the eventual gift of his provision to help me carry out following him aside. . . .and that verse about laying down in torment. . .that’s essentially what I chose instead this last year of my life.

Now let me say it again. . . Stupid!!!!

Because you want to know what completely unexpected thing I learned almost the moment I got off the plane in Hanoi? God actually knew what he was doing when he allowed the job to fall through. Hanoi is NOT home for our family…Not today, most likely never…though I won’t ever write it off if God ever chooses to call. Pieces of my heart litter the streets and countryside of my beautiful heart home of Vietnam. I have family there that will forever be deep in my heart. But it is not where we are meant to stay. Today it is not where our family is supposed to flourish. There are many reasons why.

This is not what I was looking to learn when I finally said, “yes,” to God’s voice in leading me there this time. But I fully believe this is exactly what he was trying to let me know almost a year ago now when he first told me to go. He was desperately trying to spare me the heartache of the last year. I know he was. And I was too stubborn to accept what he was saying so clearly. I didn’t know it was such a sweet gift.

I get it that everyone has their own journey with God and moves at paces that often take time. I’m good with that and want my journey to move at God’s speed. No doubt God has still used this last year for good in many ways. But I am still floored over the realization that he was so clearly trying to resolve this issue so long ago and I chose not to listen. Reconciliation could have come much sooner.

Relieved by the freedom I now feel…would have loved to have felt it sooner. Planning not to be that stupid again 😉

. . . So will the words that come out of my mouth
not come back empty-handed.
They’ll do the work I sent them to do,
they’ll complete the assignment I gave them. Isaiah 55:8-11